There are many reasons why a victim of abuse creates such individualized chaos in their own-selves. As complex as it is, when you escape the never-ending hell you have been dwelling in for however long, really puts a dark impression upon the mind. No one wants to be tormented any time of the day. For me, it was all day and all night. There will never be a day that goes by that I don't think about what happened to me.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is defined as a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing terrifying events, causing long-lasting symptoms like flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and uncontrollable thoughts about the event. It keeps the body in a constant "fight-or-flight" state, leading to chronic physical, emotional, and social side effects.
Common Symptom's or Side Effects of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
- Intrusive Thoughts: Recurring, unwanted memories, flashbacks, nightmares
- Avoidance: Steering clear of people, places, activities that remind the individual of the trauma
- Arousal/Reactivity: Being constantly on edge, easily startled, irritable, having angry outbursts
- Cognitive/Mood Shifts: Negative thoughts about oneself, hopelessness, memory problems, difficulty feeling positive emotions
I personally experience all of these symptoms every single day, even though I escaped the abuse, the after trauma is still complex. After -trauma (or post-trauma) is defined as the lasting emotional, psychological, and physical response to a distressing event that overwhelms an individual's ability to cope. This is where it is a constant battle to get your autonomy back for your own self dignity. To be able to function after being subjected to dysfunction for long periods of time can take years to recover and reacclimate. For me, my trauma lasted about 15 years in total. To put it in perspective, I am 39 years of age now and so if you subtract 15 years from 39 years that is most of my life. At the age of 24 the abuse started but I just didn't see it. At first, I thought that it was just simple yelling but it wasn't directed at me. My ex directed his anger at someone else and for me, I knew that I was never the reason for any of his angry outbursts and raging but eventually he would take it out on me. I struggle to this day. I left that relationship in 2020. Then I met another guy, who was really nice and treated me right at first and then he started to become abusive. Not only was I experiencing abuse here, so was his family. I left that relationship somewhere around 2024 or 2025. So about 15 years of abuse did me no good. No one deserves to be abused in any way, shape or form.
Being screamed at all day, chased, slapped, punched, kicked with boots with a hard toe, bit, slammed to the ground, spit on, stolen from, having to run constantly, arguing, trying to find a safe and happy place, moving around constantly, not knowing where to go, who to trust, what to do, financial loss, losing self-esteem and many more things that I will not add....It's just not worth it to stay. Why stay if you're losing not only everything you work hard to achieve but also dealing with unworthy people who have absolutely no respect for anyone, including themselves? Not even close to being worth my time, let alone anyone else's. Good riddance.
All of these things create problems for your physical well being and your emotional well being.
Side effects of PTSD that isn't diagnosed if left untreated:
- Physical Health: Chronic pain, cardiovascular disease, autoimmune diseases, increased susceptibility to diseases
- Mental Health: Co-Occurring Depression, high anxiety levels, increased risk of suicide and self harm
- Behavioral Issues: Substance abuse, including addiction to drugs or alcohol
- Daily Functioning: Chronic Fatigue, sleep disturbances (insomnia), impaired work or school performance, social withdrawal
Every single day and night, I personally experience most of these symptoms or all of them depending on circumstances of any situation. When I say that, I mean that even if there isn't any type of abuse occurring in the day or night, there are events that can trigger past trauma and it creates re-experience when it comes to the emotions. For example: When I went for my MRI test and was laying in the machine, just the noise alone reminded me of my ex screaming and slamming the doors in the basement or punching holes in the walls. This brought me to an uncomfortable state which actually triggered a small seizure during the MRI test. Even though, I knew that my ex wasn't there and I was safe inside the neurology testing center.
I will leave this on a more positive note. God is my driver and as in Proverb's Chapter 3: 5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."
God Bless Everyone! Stay Safe! Keep Healing!!
Please click on the link down below to the video that correlates with this blog post.
https://youtu.be/AIBbqvsmnd4
